Waiting to Exhale: Exposing our Inner Wall

We guard our hearts against life’s uncertainties, but sometimes, even the smallest unexpected moments can remind us of the walls we’ve built and the weight they carry. Like waiting for a phone call from a love interest, the phone rings…and it’s someone unanticipated, like your doctor’s office. 

The feeling you get is a mix of disappointment, a hint of grief, and a taste of sadness.

"We wait like Godot, for change that’s delayed,

Hours stretch like years, in the dark, dismayed."

"The mountain looms, but no summit appears,

Still, each push uphill conquers some fear."

It reveals why we have a guard, why it’s hard to bring it down, and how it becomes enforced and difficult to break. It often symbolizes protection, isolation, and control.

The phrase "having a guard up" is a common metaphor for the emotional barriers we create to shield ourselves from hurt, rejection, or vulnerability. It reflects both a defense mechanism and a coping strategy, rooted in fear, past pain, or the desire to maintain control.

The "guard" acts as a fortress that keeps out potential harm—be it emotional pain, betrayal, or disappointment. It's often built after experiencing hurt and serves as a reminder of what caused the initial pain. It’s our fear of vulnerability.

The guard is necessary because of the risk of pain or betrayal. It requires safe, consistent relationships to dismantle the guard.  The guard rarely comes down all at once—it’s more like a brick-by-brick removal.

What has been lost because of this suit of armor? 

My wall kept me safe, but it also kept me alone. It kept me from growing and making meaningful connections. It is similar to having a glass shield where people can look but cannot touch. Every time I tried to shatter this glass, I heard the echoes of my past urging me not to. This was very exhausting.

Our guard is like a brick wall that we try to climb…Though we reach the top, we struggle to get over it.

"We are like Humpty Dumpty, we have a great fall,
The cracks are not just in bone, but in trust we built tall."
"Once shattered, the pieces scatter too far to mend,
A puzzle with no edges, a journey with no end."

We are like Humpty Dumpty; we may feel a great fall, similar to the unanticipated phone call.

The best we can do is get back up and crawl up that same wall.

Anxious to try again, like Godot, pushing uphill; it rolls back down, while the act in itself strengthens our will and inspires hope to break free one day. In the meantime, we are waiting to exhale.

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