“Wallflower Child”

 

I liked to think of myself as a “WallFlower Child”. A “WallFlower Child” is a person that was desensitized by exposure to adult activities. This is why people do not curse, smoke, or use adult language around children and we tell them

“Stay out of grown folks' business”

“Stay in a child’s place”

“Don’t grow up too fast”

However taboo and rare, I was exposed to tons of adult content and experiences at an early age. I was always curious and observant in these adult settings. I was raised by a village of drug-abusing addicts, alcoholics, drug dealers, gang members, convicts, pimps, prostitutes, mental illness, and violence. We called it “THE FAMILY CURSE”

I also identify as an empath.

When I was seeing drugs on the tables, drunken fights, self-harm, and other dysfunctions by my elders, I absorbed all this energy and could FEEL and WITNESS to the emotions, the power, and the weakness in the environment. I felt the pain, anger, resentment, sorrows, grief, and stress of the adults around me. I spent many nights replaying the stories I overheard in my mind; like a movie…

There was a good side to being exposed to these things.

I became humble, understanding, sensitive, and wise. I also watched the dysfunction in my tribe improve with self-help; like Recovery Meetings, Spirituality, Detoxing and Rehabilitation, Therapy, Harm Reduction, Education, and understanding these things had to end.

(And today I can gratefully say, lots of the dysfunction has ended and some healed. PRAISE THE UNIVERSE)

As many people may know, my mother, Rev. Dr. Norma’s story battling addiction, I was exposed to these things firsthand. She took me everywhere with her; her university lectures (where I learned about psychology, writing, and literature), recovery meetings, and even when she was getting high at parties.

Hearing stories of other recovering addicts, how addiction broke them, and stripped them of dignity, love, life, finances, spiritual awareness, home, and family, as an empath I absorbed their pain and triumph. 

I grew to be wise beyond my years about addiction, pain, and everything that comes with it. I adored this tribe around me for “Going through it, so I didn’t have to” (My mother always said this). 

Becoming institutionalized from severe trauma myself in my teen years and into adulthood, there were so many horror stories of abuse and neglect…it was overwhelming. 

Though I am not a diagnosed addict, I empathize with the energy of these stories and became inspired to relate through writing poetry and short stories. I respected their strength and courage to share and speak up about their recovery or struggles with addictions.

I just couldn’t get these experiences out of my head! They haunted me but I wasn’t afraid; I was enraptured by the strength they had, the miracles of survival!! The triumphs! (I Thank you all in N/A and A/A for welcoming me into these spaces!) Because it’s a quilt of non-fiction (true) experiences of survivors and victims of trauma, addiction, and recovery is real.

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